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The Various Assortments
live music gig guide
Tiza G video & free mp3s
Bollocks To Christmas mp3



Watch the Tiza G video on ITV Local


2008 GIGS - LIVE MUSIC IN CORNWALL
Thurs 16th October - 8pm til 1am (late licence) at the Fountain Hotel, Liskeard, PL14 6AH with Kunt & The Gang. £5 on the door or advance tickets £4 available from venue or online:

Breaking News! 2008-08-27
Tiza G is featured video on ITV Local website...
News! 2008-08-20
Kevin Magoo knocked off number 1 spot in the Press Play Singles Chart... All We Had in at number 7...
News! 2008-07-21
New Stevo Bliss mix of All We Had awarded Track Of The Day amidst glowing reviews from the US & Scandinavia on GarageBand... 
News! 2008-04-24
The Various Assortments are Featured Artist of The Week on the David White Show, BBC Radio Cornwall...

"That's great... a bit of madness" Richard & Judy Show, Channel 4, April 2004

"Your songs remind me of a child's drawing. I'm really surprised at how good Cher Practised Coldplay is. I've heard it 3 times now and I always get loads of ideas listening to it. Well done" Keith Levene, Public Image Ltd, via text, Aug 2005

"like John Shuttleworth on acid... I, for one, are sold on their cutesy, knowing mannerisms" Backbone, 24/7 Magazine, Feb 2006

"Paul Program is the jingle writer of a generation" Ryan Hooper, Cornish Times, 2007

"Obvious reference points, The Fall, Half Man Half Biscuit, Captain Sensible, Kevin Ayers... I've seen a lot of bands and your songs are really good" Attila The Stockbroker, April 2008

"I've had that fucking Wake Up song going round in my head all day" Kunt & The Gang, May 2008

"The Various Assortments are like a supermodel, you can drape any old rags over a supermodel and they will still look good" Rick, Southampton, June 2008


Who are the Various Assortments?

Battle Of The Bands Febraury 2007

A Cornish band from Liskeard, Cornwall playing original material in a quirky quintessentially English vein. With a dash of New York. Live psychedelic post punk pop rock 'n' roll, new wave and pop art indie Britpop music

 


Like a football squad, the live line up fluctuates. The Assortments at Annabels were Paul Program (vocals/guitar), Chester (guitar/vocals) and Stephen Ayers (trumpet, trombone & tenor sax). Listen to mp3s at: www.myspace.com/variousassortments
Battle Of The Bands Febraury 2007

Other Assortments past present and future include Stevo Bliss (guitar, bass, keyboards, vocals & treatments), Michael Oliver (5 string bass), Richard Wills (drums/vocals), Daniel Morgan (cornet/vocals), Keith Burford (soprano, alto, tenor & baritone saxophones), Dorian (trumpet), Steven Havenhand (bass), Steve McArthur (drums), James Kingham (guitar/vocals), Ian Wright (bass), Dolores Haze (keyboards/vocals), Fletcher Munson (bass), Steve Skews (piano), Emmalodica (drums, melodica & percussion), Ben Galatia (djembe), Jo Bowis (vocals & tambourine), Daniel Onions (vocals), Ben Garnett (guitar & bass), Martin White (guitar), Chris White (drums), Pete Lawrie (5 string bass), Swifty (drums & vocals), Warren G (guitar), Fred Prendergast (guitar), Carlton (alto & tenor saxophones), Chris & Fiona (guitar & vocals), Paul Patch (drums & vocals), Lorna Patch (vocals), Lucy Ingham (vocals), Andy Wright (vocals), Jude Caton (vocals), Sarah Booth (voice), Lauren Evans (vocals), Martin Turner (remix), Collin Rosenheck (remix) and Andy Barrett (remix)


Watch the Various Assortments live:

Bagpuss from the Barley Sheaf, 5th April 2007

The Hulas cover Sweet Lisa, 6th April 2007

All We Had & Kevin Magoo from the Barley Sheaf, 22nd February 2007

Cousin Terry from The Hub, Plymouth, 8th February 2007

Aphrodite from the Barley Sheaf, 21st December 2006 (film by Carly Batchelor, post production by DJ Fromage)

full one hour set from the Barley Sheaf, 16th November 2006 (film by Richard Fontaine)

highlights from the Barley Sheaf, 12th August 2006 (film by Richard Fontaine)

highlights from the Northwood Gathering, 4th August 2006 (film by Richard Fontaine)

Kevin Magoo, Tiza G, and Psychodelic Magoo from the Fountain Hotel Macmillan Trust Charity Marathon, Liskeard, July 2006 (film by Sonic Bliss, post production DJ Fromage)

K.Y.M.M.R.E.N.N.I.E. and a cover version of Kim Wilde's Kids In America from the Barley Sheaf Jam, August 2005 (early ad hoc lineup with Emmalodica on drums, Steve Bliss on bass and Jo Bowis on vocals) (film by DJ Fromage)


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The Various Assortments - Charlie The Chocolate Man

Using just an upright piano, a Vox organ, a Polymoog, a monosynth and sequencer, a digital delay, a flageolet and occasional guitars, Stephen McNally KPS & Danny McGuigan BG are forced to use the power of their fertile minds (and a million mushrooms) as they battle some pretty sick villains on a terror ride across the Town Centre.

The legendary rock opera Charlie The Chocolate Man is a great lost album that has never been released, although many different bootlegs are in circulation on bit torrent sites and pod casts...

Charlie The Chocolate Man
 

How do you feel? You don't know how you feel until you've heard The Various Assortments

The Various Assortments are two cheeky underachievers from a dull town in Essex who actually believe their own hype. In their deluded minds they are convinced they can save Corringham Town Centre 'from it's nothingness' by writing a series of def, deft and daft but clever parody pop songs about their childhood peers.

Tricking their way on to the Richard & Judy Show in 2004 has only fuelled their egocentric ambitions and the ambitious rock opera album "Charlie The Chocolate Man", which they began during the Winter Of Love in 1988, is nearing completion, but like Neil Young's Chrome Dreams, and Nabokov's The Original Of Laura, is destined never to be released.

Unlike most bands that make music for themselves and regard it as a 'bonus' if anyone else likes it, The Various Assortments eschew such clichés and demand your approval. And whilst most cult bands refuse to sell out, The Assortments can't wait.

The Manic Street Preachers promised to "release the greatest album ever and then implode in a mixture of sex, death and heroin". Patti Smith, somewhat more modestly, simply dreamed of the day that "the people have the power". David Essex said "we're gonna make you a star". The Various Assortments promise nothing of the sort. Sure they have a lot to say, but none of it is intelligible. What good are answers when you don't know what the right questions are? If you met God, would you ask if He exists? Does Schroedinger's Cat have nine lives? If Pavlov laid with his dog would he get fleas?

In 1963, Dylan claimed "the answer, my friend, is blowing in the wind". But by 1975, he was singing about an "idiot wind". What a difference twelve years can make, or in The Various Assortments' case, twenty, and despite their lack of perfectionism "Charlie The Chocolate Man" still remains an unfinished lost masterpiece.

Where were you in 2008? Hanging tough with Owen Sexxx, Kevin Magoo and Tiza G? Hiding from Kymm Rennie and The Emotional Man? Digging the blues round at Slide's House or riding along in Paul Hawkins' automobile? Wherever you are, "Charlie The Chocolate Man" is sure to be the soundtrack to your life.

Not an experience, not a spiritual journey, not a raison d'etre, just a band and some songs.


 


So far The Various Assortments have been compared to the likes of The Beatles, The Rutles, The Beach Boys, The Kinks, The Small Faces, doo wop, Lou Reed & The Velvet Underground, Roxy Music, David Bowie, Brian Eno, Frank Zappa, Kevin Ayers, The Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band, Wings, Frank Spencer, The War Of The Worlds, Billy Liar, Grease, Tom Petty, Jilted John, John Shuttleworth on acid, Frank Sidebottom, Teenage Jesus & The Jerks, The Ramones, The Queers, The Buzzcocks, Buddy Holly, Pere Ubu, XTC, The Fall, Squeeze, Blancmange, Depeche Mode, OMD, Gary Numan, Madness, Captain Sensible, Howard Jones (!), Adam Ant solo (!!), The Buggles, Kate Bush, Madness, Julian Cope & The Teardrop Explodes, Half Man Half Biscuit, the 60s, the early 80s, the late 80s, plink plonk music, The Dukes Of Stratosphere, Mr Bungle, They Might Be Giants, The Lightning Seeds, Blur, Pulp, Super Furry Animals, The Frogs, The Weakerthans, The Streets, Gorillaz, The Fratellis, a cockney Bob Dylan, and a bedroom Kaiser Chiefs.

Conversely, Laura by The Scissors Sisters has been compared to The Various Assortments, as has Creeping Up The Backstairs by The Fratellis, and the singer from The Magic Numbers reminded Tony Young of Paul Program.

One day the truth will finally be told about The Assortments and Andy Fletcher, Bjork, Charlie Harper, Roy Harper, John Otway, Jake Riviera, Clive Langer, John Entwhistle, The Levellers, Richard & Judy and the man from Pulp.

 (c) 1988-2008 The Various Assortments. All Rights Reserved. 

Site last updated 6th September 2008