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It's hard to know where to begin with the Various Assortments. As Julie Andrews once said: let's start at the beginning, as it's a very good place to start. Brian Eno, meanwhile,  released a backwards retrospective of his career highlights in reverse chronology. With The Assortments, neither seem quite appropriate. 

Like Woody Allen, the Assortments are embarrassed by everything they represent. Big, bold, pop strides dominate, fusing base rhythms, daft but clever music and simultaneously banal and poignant lyrics to produce their idiosyncratic cheeky and familiar yet twisted brand of English popular music.

The result of  an erstwhile recording project spanning 300 miles and over 20 years, the Assortments continue to confound expectations and have recently assumed the guise of a Cornwall UK based live pop group.

Currently rehearsing for their 2006 live dates, Steve McArthur (drums), Jem Assortmento (bass), James Kingham (guitar), Dolores Haze (keyboards) and Paul Program (vocals, guitar) are preparing for gigs at the Barley Sheaf in Liskeard, a slot at the Northwood Gathering Festival in St Neot and Nical's in Bodmin.

Sleeping partner Sonic Bliss (aka Assortment #2) was last seen baking bread in Ingatestone but is still very much spiritually involved in the band's latest incarnation.

Set list includes Tiza G, Ruthie, Uncle Alan, Kevin Magoo, Cher Practised Coldplay, Stalactite, K.Y.M.M.R.E.N.N.I.E. and Sweet Lisa.

Further hype and some free mp3s can be found at: www.myspace.com/variousassortments

Steve McArthur plays a John Bonham replica kit by Ludwig with 15" [insert name] hi hats and [insert name] cymbals. Being a punk, Jem Assortmento doesn't care what bass and amp he uses. James Kingham plays a black guitar with a big Marshall amp. Dolores Haze plays Fender Rhodes. Paul Program plays Jimmy Appudurai's 1980 sky blue Fender Telecaster with a medium Marshall amp.

Abba The Album, Lexicon Of Love, Kings Of The Wild Frontier, Demolition, Whatever People Say I Am That's What I'm Not,  (Who's Afraid Of) The Art Of Noise, High Land Hard Rain, Whammy, Have You Fed The Fish?, Music From Big Pink, Barret, Pet Sounds, Paul's Boutique, Revolver, Odelay, This Is Big Audio Dynamite, Teenager Of The Year, Happy Families, Parallel Lines, Parklife, Nightflight To Venus, The Very Best Of, The Fine Art Of Surfacing, Station To Station, Last Splash, Grace, Buffalo Springfield Again, A Kick Inside, Singles Going Steady, Notorious Byrd Brothers, My Life In The Bush Of Ghosts, The Catherine Wheel, Crackdown, A Clockwork Orange Soundtrack, London Calling, Garlands, Peggy Suicide, The Coral, Armed Forces, Happiness In Magazines, Disreali Gears, Green River, Woodface, Deja Vu, Pornography, Strawberries, Sketches Of Spain, Blast The Human Flower, Speak & Spell, Searching For The Young Soul Rebels, LA Woman, Five Leaves Left, Psonic Psunspots, Rio, New Boots & Panties, Blonde On Blonde, Souljacker, Out Of The Blue, Music For Films, Fireside Favourites, Extricate, These Foolish Things, Finn, Tusk, The Colour And The Shape, Pretty Monster, I Never Loved A Man, No Pussyfooting, Gabriel III, Garbage, What's Going On?, The Lamb Lies Down Of Broadway, Koyaanisqatsi, Blue Sunshine, Liquid Skin, Demon Days, Pills, Thrills & Bellyaches, All Things Must Pass, The Luxury Gap, Electric Ladyland, Dare, Sound Effects, Gentlemen Take Polaroids, Equinoxe, Bellybutton,  Psychocandy, Closer, Employment, Hot Fuss, Tapestry, Something Else By The Kinks, Trans Europe Express, The Las, Physical Graffiti, Leftism, John Lennon / Plastic Ono Band, The Libertines, Forever Changes, Hums Of The Loving Spoonful, One Step Beyond, Real Life, Holiday, If You Can Believe Your Eyes And Ears, Untitled, She Hangs Brightly, Kaya, McCartney II, Head, In Search Of The Lost Chord, Viva Hate, We're Only In It For The Money, Low Life, Chelsea Girl, Nevermind, The Pleasure Principle, Definitely Maybe, The Lion & The Cobra, Architecture & Morality, Saturday Night Fever, Grease, The Sound Of Music, Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain, The Piper At The Gates Of Dawn, Surfer Rosa, Regatta de Blanc, Lust For Life, Dummy, From Elvis In Memphis, Screamadelica, Sign 'O' The Times, A Secret Wish, Metal Box, His 'n' Hers, A Day At The Races, OK Computer, The Ramones, Up All Night, Otis Blue, Berlin, Green, Aftermath, For Your Pleasure, Cupid And Psyche 85, Never Mind The Bollocks, Adventures Of The Hersham Boys, Bridge Over Troubled Water, There Goes Rhymin' Simon, Once Upon A Time - The Singles, Cut, There's A Riot Goin' On, Ogden's Nut Gone Flake, Siamese Dream, XO, Horses, The Queen Is Dead, The Art Of Falling Apart, Daydream Nation, The Specials, This Is Spinal Tap, Nebraska, East Side Story, Handsworth Revolution, Stone Roses, Raw Power, Black & White, Original Pirate Material, Is This It?, I Should Coco, 20 Golden Greats, The Slider, Spirit Of Eden, Remain In Light, Kilimanjaro, The Hurting, Bandwagonesque, Marquee Moon, Soul Mining, Tom Tom Club, Dear Mr. Fantasy, Volume One, Tubeway Army, Achtung Baby, The Velvet Underground And Nico, Tom Verlaine, Swordfishtrombones, Fisherman's Blues, Weezer, Elephant, The Who Sell Out, A Ghost Is Born, Smile, Band On The Run, 154, Innervisions, Germ Free Adolescents, Skylarking, Upstairs at Eric's, On The Beach, You Are What You Is, Odyssey & Oracle, Who Killed The Zutons?

[c] 2006 The Various Assortments